Man, Oh, Man, You're My Best Friend

I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like this whole thing might be a mistake. And then again I think I'm simply going crazy, because that's what I do whenever I'm even in the slightest semblance of a relationship.

I really want to see him, but he seems so busy right now that I've only seen him once since Wednesday night when I told him I liked him and that was at a birthday party so it's not like we could talk about anything important. I don't want him to feel obligated to see me or like he needs to go out of his way to make plans with me. I don't want this relationship (is it one yet?) to be another thing he needs to do.

Also, I don't want him to feel pressured to ask me out. I just meant I wanted him to make the next move since I already did and because I kind of feel like the guy should. Quite honestly, it could be anything. Even if he just took my hand at some random moment, I think I would be delirious with happiness. Ok, maybe that's extreme, but I would be really happy. I just want him to show me he likes me back too so I don't feel so one sided in things. I feel like things are already official, so in actuality he doesn't really need to "ask me out," I mean he basically assumed that's what I was doing when I told him I liked him. But I was only prepared to receive an "I'm sorry I don't like you back" from him, I never even considered the possibility of me being the one to ask him out. I didn't expect it at all. Ok, maybe I did a little, but I didn't prepare for it. When he said that he liked me too, I was pretty much floored. Anyway, I'm kind of just uncertain about where we stand even though deep down I know I shouldn't be because we've both established that we like each other and will pursue a relationship in the near future.

But I have so many freaking questions for him too. Like, does he think I'm pretty? Why does he like me? When did he decide he liked me? When did he decide he was going to ask me out? Why did he decide he was going to ask me out? Why did he decide to wait? What are we going to do this summer? How do we stay in touch? Do I call him my boyfriend yet? What happens when we go Facebook official?

Despite all my craziness, I like this because it means Hugo and I will probably take things very slow. I mean, very very slow. Which is good. There's no real rush to anything I feel right now and that's good, except I do wonder how we're going to handle things over the summer, if there is anything to handle. But slow is so so so so good. I mean, it seems like we're both pretty new to the whole relationship thing. I would love to just sit him down and talk to him about our feelings on relationships in general, because I have no idea how he feels relationships should be like. I have heard that his last girlfriend broke up with him because he was too clingy, but that's all I really know. And the fact that he likes honesty and good hygiene. I definitely need to at least sit him down and tell him I'm waiting until marriage. That is something I won't back down on for anything in the world and I think that's important to establish right away. I don't want any part of the relationship if he does not want that.

But how do I ask him all of this? I'm trying to keep the crazy in. Maybe I should just be crazy and be like this is what's up and if you don't like it let's not do this. Maybe none of this is crazy and should be established asap. Maybe I'm already dooming our relationship before it even starts.

Fuck.

And this is why you're getting this and not someone else. Because you'll understand.