Moats and Boats and Waterfalls

First step: take a deep breathe. The hardest part is over. He knows you like him, you know he likes you.

Second step: Finish your DTR (define the relationship)! You two have a lot to talk about, especially considering summer is coming up and you don't want to leave without establishing where you are and what you're doing. He said he was going to ask you out, so wait for him to do that, but you can talk with him about things, like waiting for marriage and why he likes you, before entering into a relationship (I would not say yet that you are in a relationship, only that your feeling towards one another are out in the open). Since he has not asked you out yet I wouldn't worry about calling him your boyfriend or facebook. You just need to be like "Hey. So you know I like you. And you like me. So now we need to figure out what to do next." You two seem to spend a lot of time together, just find a time when you two are alone and talk about everything. Ask him those questions about why and when he started liking you. You can even ask about his past relationship if you think it's a good time. He already likes you, so now you two just need to figure out what you want.

Don't worry so much though, he likes you, he told you that. Just sit in that for awhile and don't worry about anything else. He likes you. He likes you. He likes you. Yay! Yay! Yay!

Okay, my turn.

So this weekend was Spring Gala (like prom for our college). Jon had asked me to go with him, and I said yes, but there was a symphony that used his art as a backdrop, so we went there before that. Actually, we did dinner at Ventura Harbor first, then the symphony, then Spring Gala. Dinner was really fun, we were totally overdressed, but it was really pretty overlooking the harbor and we just talked and hung out for a bit. And then he told me that his parents were going to be at the symphony. Now, this last minute notification didn't bother me much since his parents had just changed their tickets that morning, but I was a little nervous to meet them. After dinner we went over to where the symphony was playing and I got to hang out with some of Jon's artist friends and, being me, talked with some random older people who were there for the concert. Then Jon's parents came. His mom and I got on splendidly ( at least I thought so). His father was a bit less talkative, but we did get into a discussion about guns later in the night.

Alright, so Jon and I sat by each other during the concert, and after intermission he asked if he could put his arm around me. I figured we've been together long enough that that was okay, so I said he could. You know how I am, I don't really do physical, but it felt right. I felt comfortable with him doing that, and I liked how slow we had been going, and this was part of that. The symphony ended, we said goodbye to his parents, and left for the Gala. On the way I was talking to him about camping this weekend and told him that Lizzy, Carissa and I were leaving after Gala, at about one o'clock. He did not like that very much, and told me he didn't want us to leave that late at night. Now, maybe I overreacted, but to me this sounded like my father, and I didn't appreciate it. However, I did not say anything then, I just told him we were going to leave anyways and he had nothing to worry about.

We got to Gala, and I took of my shoes and danced with my friends for a good hour before it ended. Jon had spent most of the time talking with his friends, so we met back up and hung out with people for a bit longer before I needed to go back, change, and get ready to go camping. I told Jon and he decided to walk me back to my dorm. So this was about midnight, and I was extremely tired and pretty loopy because of it. I was walking like a drunk and looked over at Jon and said "I like you" and he looked back at me and said "I want to keep you". Super cute. Super innocent. BUT THEN! We got to my dorm room and I got out my key and he asked "Can I kiss you?" Out of nowhere! Like a train to my face! I quickly said "No" and continued to unlock the door. He said he understood and I told him to text me when he got home, and then shut the door.

I got changed, and went camping until Sunday. The entire time I was freaking out, going over in my head what happened, trying to figure out what to do. It really got to me. We had decided to take things slow, and kissing to me is anything but slow. I was frustrated that he asked me that, but I was more upset with myself because we hadn't talked about that, I hadn't told him my ideas on kissing or anything like that. How was he supposed to know that I didn't kiss? So I spent all weekend mulling this over in my head (and sunbathing and making s'mores). Sunday, after we got back, Lizzy and I went out to coffee and she asked about what I was going to do. I was very flustered and told her how when guys get close to me too close I freak out and end the relationship. She asked me whether this was going to be something to end the relationship over. Thinking it over, I told her that the idea of ending things with Jon made me want to cry, but all I could do was pray (which I had been doing all weekend).

When we left for church that night I still did not know exactly what to say to Jon, but I knew we needed to talk or I was going to continue to freak out till I ended it. When I walked in, Jon was already there, and he asked if we could talk. So we walked into the courtyard and he apologized for asking to kiss me, that he was glad I had said no because it would not have been the right thing to do, and how sorry he was for putting me in that position. I had not been expecting him to talk to me first, so I just said "it's okay" and told him it was something we needed to talk about more later. After church we talked for a bit about other things, but then we went back to the courtyard and I told him how his protectiveness about camping bothered me and my ideas on kissing. We talked for a good thirty minutes about it, and he was very understanding and even impressed by my thoughts. I told him how I had freaked out and I was worried that I was going to end it, and how he needed to be patient with me because that is how I am.

So we're back to going slow. He told me he was going to try and not mess up again, and I told him how I would never expect him to not make mistakes, but that I forgive him and will forgive him, because I want to be with him, and I am will screw up too. And how we need to make sure we have good communication so that we don't have an issue like this again.

Sorry, that was a bit long.

But yeah, communication is terribly important, so you and Hugo just need to find time and talk, get everything out in the open and be on the same page.

Don't forget, if you two are meant to be together God will show you and you can trust Him to be with you through this.

I freaking love you!!!

Man, Oh, Man, You're My Best Friend

I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like this whole thing might be a mistake. And then again I think I'm simply going crazy, because that's what I do whenever I'm even in the slightest semblance of a relationship.

I really want to see him, but he seems so busy right now that I've only seen him once since Wednesday night when I told him I liked him and that was at a birthday party so it's not like we could talk about anything important. I don't want him to feel obligated to see me or like he needs to go out of his way to make plans with me. I don't want this relationship (is it one yet?) to be another thing he needs to do.

Also, I don't want him to feel pressured to ask me out. I just meant I wanted him to make the next move since I already did and because I kind of feel like the guy should. Quite honestly, it could be anything. Even if he just took my hand at some random moment, I think I would be delirious with happiness. Ok, maybe that's extreme, but I would be really happy. I just want him to show me he likes me back too so I don't feel so one sided in things. I feel like things are already official, so in actuality he doesn't really need to "ask me out," I mean he basically assumed that's what I was doing when I told him I liked him. But I was only prepared to receive an "I'm sorry I don't like you back" from him, I never even considered the possibility of me being the one to ask him out. I didn't expect it at all. Ok, maybe I did a little, but I didn't prepare for it. When he said that he liked me too, I was pretty much floored. Anyway, I'm kind of just uncertain about where we stand even though deep down I know I shouldn't be because we've both established that we like each other and will pursue a relationship in the near future.

But I have so many freaking questions for him too. Like, does he think I'm pretty? Why does he like me? When did he decide he liked me? When did he decide he was going to ask me out? Why did he decide he was going to ask me out? Why did he decide to wait? What are we going to do this summer? How do we stay in touch? Do I call him my boyfriend yet? What happens when we go Facebook official?

Despite all my craziness, I like this because it means Hugo and I will probably take things very slow. I mean, very very slow. Which is good. There's no real rush to anything I feel right now and that's good, except I do wonder how we're going to handle things over the summer, if there is anything to handle. But slow is so so so so good. I mean, it seems like we're both pretty new to the whole relationship thing. I would love to just sit him down and talk to him about our feelings on relationships in general, because I have no idea how he feels relationships should be like. I have heard that his last girlfriend broke up with him because he was too clingy, but that's all I really know. And the fact that he likes honesty and good hygiene. I definitely need to at least sit him down and tell him I'm waiting until marriage. That is something I won't back down on for anything in the world and I think that's important to establish right away. I don't want any part of the relationship if he does not want that.

But how do I ask him all of this? I'm trying to keep the crazy in. Maybe I should just be crazy and be like this is what's up and if you don't like it let's not do this. Maybe none of this is crazy and should be established asap. Maybe I'm already dooming our relationship before it even starts.

Fuck.

And this is why you're getting this and not someone else. Because you'll understand.

Girl, I never loved no one like you.

You know me. You know that I like to go about relationships in an old fashioned way. I believe in letting a man lead and open the door for me and (reluctantly) let them pay for dates. That's just how I am.

You, my dear, are not me. I know you see how I waited and everything worked out, but God may not have that plan for you. You are more independent and modern than I am in your thinking, and maybe telling Hugo your feelings instead of waiting for him to tell you is what you need to do.

If you truly believe that you should be with him, have thought about a future with him, and are emotionally ready to enter into a relationship with him, then I say by all means take change and let him know your feelings.

Make sure your intentions are pure, that you don't want to fix him or change him. That you like him for who he is and for who you are around him.

If you feel that this is where you are, then I of course will give you my blessing. I will always support you in your decisions. And if it turns out that he is not the one, or he hurts you in any way, I will be there to take care of his body with you.

I'm always with you, even when you don't see me. We are bound together by friendship and that does not go away because of distance.

I know you are worried, but you are wise and will make the right decision.

Yes to the flasks!!

I freaking love you always and forever!

Home Is Whenever I'm With You

I'm listening to "Home" on repeat and feeling boy sulky. I'm thinking of telling Hugo I like him and then just get it the eff out there.

But I think of you, and how you've done it the right way and you got super amazing Jon, and how I wish Hugo would seek me out like Jon did for you.

And I want to do it the right way.

And I'm sure you're thinking "Well, then he's probably not the right one for you."

But I really want to just try with him. Just try. Because I do really like him. And like, I don't know what to do. I feel like, maybe I need your blessing to tell Hugo I like, though I doubt I will get a full one, not because you're not the most supportive and amazing friend ever, but because I know you don't really believe in it.

So I don't know what to do. Do I not and hopefully save myself from a broken heart somewhere along the line? Do I not and miss out on something amazing? Do I and let things fall where they may?

I don't know. And I miss you. And I wish you were here or I was there and I could talk about this with you in person.

If home is whenever I'm with you, what happens when I'm not with you?

Oh, I think I might just buy us both the flasks. We can bring them to Comicon.

WE ARE TOGETHER!!!!

http://abeautifulmess.typepad.com/my_weblog/

http://www.brianphillipsblog.com/boston-public-library-the-knot/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ox3vgGE_Myk&feature=autoplay&list=PLC606C16147F35367&index=3&playnext=1&shuffle=628151

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z39bAMeGM9Y&feature=BF&list=PLC606C16147F35367&index=6&shuffle=628151

New York 2011

I am enlisting your help Bella in planning out a BA itinerary for my New York trip this summer. Basically I am listing out things that I or my parents have showed interest in, but I feel like you know more than any of us do since you've been there.

New York Map

Subway/Metro

Depending on how long you're there, get the week metro card. It might be more expensive, again depends on how long you're there, but it's worth it to have unlimited subway and bus rides. And you don't have to worry about topping up or trying to remember how much money you have left on it. Also, you only have to pull out money in front of the subway people once. The subways are pretty confusing, especially because there's a lot of construction going on, so pay attention. Don't be afraid to be map people. Everyone except tourists are map people.

MoMa

MoMa was pretty cool, but I kind of had an awkward experience there, so the whole thing turned out to be alright. I love the modern art (big bales of hay anyone) but there was more classic art, I thought. Starry Night was there, I'm not sure if it's normally there or only for a certain time. This is near 30Rock, so these would be good to do on the same day. Get in free and into the special exhibit free with the New York Pass (see end).

Ground Zero

For Ground Zero, you can't see anything of the site. It might have changed a lot though since I was there because they had just started building the memorial, but it'll be close to finished by the time you go. The museum is literally one room a little ways down the street from the site with some pictures, different artifacts. It felt good to go, but it's not a necessity, as sad as that sounds to say. It'll definitely be a good stop after the memorial is built, which should be Sept2011. This is close to The Strand, so it's good to pair these two together.

Top of the Empire State Building

Top of the Empire State Building will give you pretty much the same view as Top of the Rock (Top of 30Rock) and if you go to 30Rock (which has my highest recommendation!!) you might as well do Top of the Rock and forget ESB. I didn't actually go, so I can't say that I really know. But my aunt told me if we went to 30Rock, it didn't make any difference.

Central Park

It's much bigger than you could ever possibly imagine. If you really want to see it all, it's an all day thing. There's so many awesome places just to sit and people watch (Alice statue is the best place for that). We pretty much wandered about until we found Alice, wandered about some more, sat at these benches overlooking one of the lakes, then wandered until we found our way out. This is where Strawberry Fields is- the John Lennon/Beatles memorial. There's this one place we went where there's this super large fountain and it was awesome and everything and then later I was watching Enchanted and it's where they shot the final scene of the "That's How You Know" song. I was sooo excited.

Rockefeller Center

NBC TOUR IS THE BEST EVER! I had sooooo much fun here. It was my most favorite part of my trip, except The Strand. It was just so fun and it was cool to see things I actually knew, like the SNL stage, the Jimmy Fallon set, Nightly News. It was pretty interesting too. At one point after they show you the video about how they do SNL, they ask for volunteers, JUMP ON THIS!!! It's fun and so worth it, especially if two of you get picked to do it! Magnolia Bakery is nearby, Moma is nearby, Radio City Music Hall is nearby as well. There's a bunch of awesome stuff there.

Broadway (have to decide on production)

American Idiot was awesome, cheap, and you knew all the songs. But there's definitely some better productions out there! Make sure you check a lot of different sites for tickets!

Strand

A MUST-SEE!!! It's the best place in the entire world. I mean, Robert Pattinson has been there. And, I would make out a lot of time for this place/bring an extra backpack if you're going to really want to look at/buy books. Around the front of the store are just tons and tons and tons of dollar books. It's amazing. The top floor is filled with special editions, ancient books, everything. The YA and kids sections are SOOOO AWESOME too. I want to marry this place. Nearby is this awesome pizza place as well. It's a chain, so not like a legit NY pizza place, but it was awesome none-the-less. I'll try to find out the name.

Serendipity

Grand Central Station

Really, really pretty. I only went through it in trying to get to my bus stop one time. It's not like a super necessity to go to Grand Central Station if you're not happening to go through it for a specific reason.

Concert: (If someone good is playing)

Check out free concerts, like at The Today Show or check out television tapings- Kristen Stewart was there at Regis and Kelly, but it was the morning I was leaving and then my freaking bus passed the studio as we left NYC and I was like "AAAH! SO CLOSE!" Also, Bowery Ballroom is where Piper Perabo sings at the end of Coyote Ugly.

Greenwich Village: http://www.nycgv.com/ including West Village: http://www.time.com/time/travel/cityguide/article/0,31489,1843404_1843415_1843480,00.html

Saint Patrick's Catherdral

Gotta Love Free Attractions: http://www.nyc-arts.org/collections/35/free-attractions-in-new-york

Other museums to see? American Natural History Museum-- I didn't get to go. It's near Central Park and it's where all the dinosaurs are. By the way, museums close pretty early, or at least they were when I was there, so make sure you know the times of all the places and where they are and travel times and whatnot.

Notes:

I would make pretty detailed intineraries, unless you guys want that "We're going to do whatever vibe." The more you want to see, the more detailed you're going to have to be because it is seriously hard. You think "Oh, I want to go shopping on 5th Ave," but the stores that you would actually want to go to are miles apart from each other and you're walking. It would take all day just to do 5th. So, plan ahead, or most of your time isn't going to be used wisely.

Make sure you hit up Times Square. I mean, the places we went, we were always going through Times Square, so you'll definitely get to it at some point. But it's more than just a square. It's huge. And awesome. And goes on forever. And Alicia Key's and Jay-Z filmed the New York video there (the red stairs, you'll definitely see them). And there's a Disney store that wasn't open yet when I was there, so if it is open, will you take a picture of it at least for me?

I used the New York Pass in NYC. I would say if you're interested in the events that it offers, I would buy it or buy something like it. You definitely need to think about whether or not you can get your money's worth each day, but with it you can skip lines, jump on tours right away, get into museums' special exhibits with it. There are others like it, but this is the one I used so I'm linking it to you.

The Book Thief

So on my way back to school my dad and I stopped at a Border's and he told me he'd buy me a book. Chelsey had previously mentioned that The Book Thief was something I may enjoy since it was set in Nazi Germany and narrated by Death. Oh yes, I was intrigued. So I bought that book.

It took me awhile to read because I've been busy with school and it's kind of a heavy book. However, it is beautiful. Beautiful in the way it describes life. The metaphors and personifications just pulling you into Death's world and seeing the world through his (is it a he?) eyes. Not just that though, but the story in general. A young girl growing up in Nazi Germany, not knowing that what is happening in the war is bad. Well, not until she befriends a Jew when her family hides one in their basement. It's a look at World War II from the eyes of youth. And innocence. Her struggle with learning to read. The death of her brother. Adjusting to living with her foster parents. Watching books being burned. Stealing others. Her best friend. Death. Life. Learning to use her words. The importance of them. Their strength. Their power. The image of a Jew in a fist fight with Hitler. Describing the sky. Reading to the broken and fearful.

It's a tragedy.

It's historical.

It's a love story.

It's poetic.

It's unique.

It's motivational.

And I like to think that Liesel and Max got married.

Death just forgot to mention that.