While you were sitting in the backseat smoking a cigarette you thought was going to be your last, I was falling deep, deeply in love with you

Okay, so, I know we're both super busy and I don't know when the next time we're going to be able to talk on the phone is (hopefully soon because I miss your beautiful voice) and I really want to tell you about yesterday, so I'm going to blog about it and then we can discuss further details next time we chat.

October 16, 2011

Jon came over at one o'clock to pick me up and take me on a date. It had been a lovely week and we wanted to do something fun, and given my love of the ocean he decided that we should go to the beach. We drove along the PCH looking for a good spot to stop and Jon noticed a place. "Look, there's a dead seal, " he said, "want to go to this beach?"

"Yes!" I said.

(only we would do that, right?)

So we pulled over and walked down to Dead Seal Beach (newly christened by Jonathan Lareva, Trademark 2011). It was a bit windy but still warm, and we laid down a blanket and towels and sat down. Not long after I decided to go down to the water and see how cold it was, and Jon followed suit. Let me tell you, that water was cold. So I didn't go swimming, but we stood in the water and drew pictures in the sand with our feet. It was a glorious day and the water was a beautiful shade of blue.

Alright, not to ruin the story, but I'm going to do a flashback so you know kind of what I was thinking up to this point: Back in August (I probably told you this already but hold on) Jon had asked if he could say ' I love you' and I had told him I wasn't ready to say it back, so we waited. This got me thinking, and I spent a lot of time wondering if I loved him. I also spent a lot of time praying, asking God if I was supposed to love him. My answer came in the form of a few questions that I have been turning over for the past few weeks.

Do you want to marry him some day? Yes, I do. I want desperately for him to be the one that I marry. I pray that he is.

Then do you love him? This took me awhile (this is the stage I was at last time you saw me). I really wanted to be sure. I wanted there to be no doubt. I didn't want to say it unless I meant it. Finally, last week, I got to the point where I knew without doubt that I did love him.

Why don't you tell him? So I knew I loved him, that I want to spend my life with him, but I wasn't ready for him to know that. This was a really hard question. I was scared to say it because I felt like I was giving myself over completely. I knew that if I said it, things would change, we would be closer, and if this went wrong I would be even more broken. This was very selfish of me. God has been frequently asking me ' do you trust Me?' This is one of the ways I had to learn to say 'yes' and give up my sense of control.

Back to yesterday...

So we were on the beach, being silly. We were dancing and my jeans (yes, I was stupid and wore jeans to the beach) got soaked, but I couldn't stop laughing. The whole date was just amazing and I kept thinking to myself how much I was falling in love with him. We stood facing the ocean and he put his arms around me. He said "there are more fish in the sea, but you are my fish"

I laughed and turned to face him and said, "That's not the sea, it's the ocean. It's much larger. There are much more fish"

He responded by saying "Well, there may be more fish in the ocean," he looked at me, "but you are my fish."

I put my arms around him and said 'I love you' and then put my head against his chest.

I think he was taken aback, and he said "what?!" really quickly. I didn't say anything, and he held me closer and said "I love you too."

Yeah, so that happened.

We said it few more times that day. It's weird, I say 'I love you' to so many of my friends, but when I say it to him it is so different. It is as if when I say it to him that word had so much more depth and meaning. I'm not just saying I love him, I'm saying that I choose him, I want to spend my life with him, I don't want to be with any man but him. It's the same way when he says it to me.

Sorry if this is kind of a sappy, cheesy, romantic post but I wanted you to know, and I wanted to write it down.

We need to talk soon!

Posing A Question of Great Importance

If you read a book that contains multiple books within it, does it count as only one book or as many as are included within the one?

Okay, so, my answer. If a book contains multiple books, such as the collected works of Jane Austen or Shakespeare counts as one book for every book read within the overall book. However, if the book contains shorts stories and poems, it is one book.

Barefoot on a Summer Night

First list: I miss...

Your face

Your voice

Talking to you about things I can tell no one else

Dancing to loud music with you

Eating pie while watching Pushing Daisies

You

You

YOU!

Second list: I love...

That I get to see you soon!

That I'm listening to all the popular music you made me download

That we have summer together

and we're going to Comic Con!

and you're turning 21!

And I get to see you soon!!!!!!!!!!!

The fact that by the time you read this you will probably be back and Redding

aka the 530

You!

Moats and Boats and Waterfalls

First step: take a deep breathe. The hardest part is over. He knows you like him, you know he likes you.

Second step: Finish your DTR (define the relationship)! You two have a lot to talk about, especially considering summer is coming up and you don't want to leave without establishing where you are and what you're doing. He said he was going to ask you out, so wait for him to do that, but you can talk with him about things, like waiting for marriage and why he likes you, before entering into a relationship (I would not say yet that you are in a relationship, only that your feeling towards one another are out in the open). Since he has not asked you out yet I wouldn't worry about calling him your boyfriend or facebook. You just need to be like "Hey. So you know I like you. And you like me. So now we need to figure out what to do next." You two seem to spend a lot of time together, just find a time when you two are alone and talk about everything. Ask him those questions about why and when he started liking you. You can even ask about his past relationship if you think it's a good time. He already likes you, so now you two just need to figure out what you want.

Don't worry so much though, he likes you, he told you that. Just sit in that for awhile and don't worry about anything else. He likes you. He likes you. He likes you. Yay! Yay! Yay!

Okay, my turn.

So this weekend was Spring Gala (like prom for our college). Jon had asked me to go with him, and I said yes, but there was a symphony that used his art as a backdrop, so we went there before that. Actually, we did dinner at Ventura Harbor first, then the symphony, then Spring Gala. Dinner was really fun, we were totally overdressed, but it was really pretty overlooking the harbor and we just talked and hung out for a bit. And then he told me that his parents were going to be at the symphony. Now, this last minute notification didn't bother me much since his parents had just changed their tickets that morning, but I was a little nervous to meet them. After dinner we went over to where the symphony was playing and I got to hang out with some of Jon's artist friends and, being me, talked with some random older people who were there for the concert. Then Jon's parents came. His mom and I got on splendidly ( at least I thought so). His father was a bit less talkative, but we did get into a discussion about guns later in the night.

Alright, so Jon and I sat by each other during the concert, and after intermission he asked if he could put his arm around me. I figured we've been together long enough that that was okay, so I said he could. You know how I am, I don't really do physical, but it felt right. I felt comfortable with him doing that, and I liked how slow we had been going, and this was part of that. The symphony ended, we said goodbye to his parents, and left for the Gala. On the way I was talking to him about camping this weekend and told him that Lizzy, Carissa and I were leaving after Gala, at about one o'clock. He did not like that very much, and told me he didn't want us to leave that late at night. Now, maybe I overreacted, but to me this sounded like my father, and I didn't appreciate it. However, I did not say anything then, I just told him we were going to leave anyways and he had nothing to worry about.

We got to Gala, and I took of my shoes and danced with my friends for a good hour before it ended. Jon had spent most of the time talking with his friends, so we met back up and hung out with people for a bit longer before I needed to go back, change, and get ready to go camping. I told Jon and he decided to walk me back to my dorm. So this was about midnight, and I was extremely tired and pretty loopy because of it. I was walking like a drunk and looked over at Jon and said "I like you" and he looked back at me and said "I want to keep you". Super cute. Super innocent. BUT THEN! We got to my dorm room and I got out my key and he asked "Can I kiss you?" Out of nowhere! Like a train to my face! I quickly said "No" and continued to unlock the door. He said he understood and I told him to text me when he got home, and then shut the door.

I got changed, and went camping until Sunday. The entire time I was freaking out, going over in my head what happened, trying to figure out what to do. It really got to me. We had decided to take things slow, and kissing to me is anything but slow. I was frustrated that he asked me that, but I was more upset with myself because we hadn't talked about that, I hadn't told him my ideas on kissing or anything like that. How was he supposed to know that I didn't kiss? So I spent all weekend mulling this over in my head (and sunbathing and making s'mores). Sunday, after we got back, Lizzy and I went out to coffee and she asked about what I was going to do. I was very flustered and told her how when guys get close to me too close I freak out and end the relationship. She asked me whether this was going to be something to end the relationship over. Thinking it over, I told her that the idea of ending things with Jon made me want to cry, but all I could do was pray (which I had been doing all weekend).

When we left for church that night I still did not know exactly what to say to Jon, but I knew we needed to talk or I was going to continue to freak out till I ended it. When I walked in, Jon was already there, and he asked if we could talk. So we walked into the courtyard and he apologized for asking to kiss me, that he was glad I had said no because it would not have been the right thing to do, and how sorry he was for putting me in that position. I had not been expecting him to talk to me first, so I just said "it's okay" and told him it was something we needed to talk about more later. After church we talked for a bit about other things, but then we went back to the courtyard and I told him how his protectiveness about camping bothered me and my ideas on kissing. We talked for a good thirty minutes about it, and he was very understanding and even impressed by my thoughts. I told him how I had freaked out and I was worried that I was going to end it, and how he needed to be patient with me because that is how I am.

So we're back to going slow. He told me he was going to try and not mess up again, and I told him how I would never expect him to not make mistakes, but that I forgive him and will forgive him, because I want to be with him, and I am will screw up too. And how we need to make sure we have good communication so that we don't have an issue like this again.

Sorry, that was a bit long.

But yeah, communication is terribly important, so you and Hugo just need to find time and talk, get everything out in the open and be on the same page.

Don't forget, if you two are meant to be together God will show you and you can trust Him to be with you through this.

I freaking love you!!!

Man, Oh, Man, You're My Best Friend

I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like this whole thing might be a mistake. And then again I think I'm simply going crazy, because that's what I do whenever I'm even in the slightest semblance of a relationship.

I really want to see him, but he seems so busy right now that I've only seen him once since Wednesday night when I told him I liked him and that was at a birthday party so it's not like we could talk about anything important. I don't want him to feel obligated to see me or like he needs to go out of his way to make plans with me. I don't want this relationship (is it one yet?) to be another thing he needs to do.

Also, I don't want him to feel pressured to ask me out. I just meant I wanted him to make the next move since I already did and because I kind of feel like the guy should. Quite honestly, it could be anything. Even if he just took my hand at some random moment, I think I would be delirious with happiness. Ok, maybe that's extreme, but I would be really happy. I just want him to show me he likes me back too so I don't feel so one sided in things. I feel like things are already official, so in actuality he doesn't really need to "ask me out," I mean he basically assumed that's what I was doing when I told him I liked him. But I was only prepared to receive an "I'm sorry I don't like you back" from him, I never even considered the possibility of me being the one to ask him out. I didn't expect it at all. Ok, maybe I did a little, but I didn't prepare for it. When he said that he liked me too, I was pretty much floored. Anyway, I'm kind of just uncertain about where we stand even though deep down I know I shouldn't be because we've both established that we like each other and will pursue a relationship in the near future.

But I have so many freaking questions for him too. Like, does he think I'm pretty? Why does he like me? When did he decide he liked me? When did he decide he was going to ask me out? Why did he decide he was going to ask me out? Why did he decide to wait? What are we going to do this summer? How do we stay in touch? Do I call him my boyfriend yet? What happens when we go Facebook official?

Despite all my craziness, I like this because it means Hugo and I will probably take things very slow. I mean, very very slow. Which is good. There's no real rush to anything I feel right now and that's good, except I do wonder how we're going to handle things over the summer, if there is anything to handle. But slow is so so so so good. I mean, it seems like we're both pretty new to the whole relationship thing. I would love to just sit him down and talk to him about our feelings on relationships in general, because I have no idea how he feels relationships should be like. I have heard that his last girlfriend broke up with him because he was too clingy, but that's all I really know. And the fact that he likes honesty and good hygiene. I definitely need to at least sit him down and tell him I'm waiting until marriage. That is something I won't back down on for anything in the world and I think that's important to establish right away. I don't want any part of the relationship if he does not want that.

But how do I ask him all of this? I'm trying to keep the crazy in. Maybe I should just be crazy and be like this is what's up and if you don't like it let's not do this. Maybe none of this is crazy and should be established asap. Maybe I'm already dooming our relationship before it even starts.

Fuck.

And this is why you're getting this and not someone else. Because you'll understand.

Girl, I never loved no one like you.

You know me. You know that I like to go about relationships in an old fashioned way. I believe in letting a man lead and open the door for me and (reluctantly) let them pay for dates. That's just how I am.

You, my dear, are not me. I know you see how I waited and everything worked out, but God may not have that plan for you. You are more independent and modern than I am in your thinking, and maybe telling Hugo your feelings instead of waiting for him to tell you is what you need to do.

If you truly believe that you should be with him, have thought about a future with him, and are emotionally ready to enter into a relationship with him, then I say by all means take change and let him know your feelings.

Make sure your intentions are pure, that you don't want to fix him or change him. That you like him for who he is and for who you are around him.

If you feel that this is where you are, then I of course will give you my blessing. I will always support you in your decisions. And if it turns out that he is not the one, or he hurts you in any way, I will be there to take care of his body with you.

I'm always with you, even when you don't see me. We are bound together by friendship and that does not go away because of distance.

I know you are worried, but you are wise and will make the right decision.

Yes to the flasks!!

I freaking love you always and forever!

Home Is Whenever I'm With You

I'm listening to "Home" on repeat and feeling boy sulky. I'm thinking of telling Hugo I like him and then just get it the eff out there.

But I think of you, and how you've done it the right way and you got super amazing Jon, and how I wish Hugo would seek me out like Jon did for you.

And I want to do it the right way.

And I'm sure you're thinking "Well, then he's probably not the right one for you."

But I really want to just try with him. Just try. Because I do really like him. And like, I don't know what to do. I feel like, maybe I need your blessing to tell Hugo I like, though I doubt I will get a full one, not because you're not the most supportive and amazing friend ever, but because I know you don't really believe in it.

So I don't know what to do. Do I not and hopefully save myself from a broken heart somewhere along the line? Do I not and miss out on something amazing? Do I and let things fall where they may?

I don't know. And I miss you. And I wish you were here or I was there and I could talk about this with you in person.

If home is whenever I'm with you, what happens when I'm not with you?

Oh, I think I might just buy us both the flasks. We can bring them to Comicon.

WE ARE TOGETHER!!!!

http://abeautifulmess.typepad.com/my_weblog/

http://www.brianphillipsblog.com/boston-public-library-the-knot/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ox3vgGE_Myk&feature=autoplay&list=PLC606C16147F35367&index=3&playnext=1&shuffle=628151

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z39bAMeGM9Y&feature=BF&list=PLC606C16147F35367&index=6&shuffle=628151

New York 2011

I am enlisting your help Bella in planning out a BA itinerary for my New York trip this summer. Basically I am listing out things that I or my parents have showed interest in, but I feel like you know more than any of us do since you've been there.

New York Map

Subway/Metro

Depending on how long you're there, get the week metro card. It might be more expensive, again depends on how long you're there, but it's worth it to have unlimited subway and bus rides. And you don't have to worry about topping up or trying to remember how much money you have left on it. Also, you only have to pull out money in front of the subway people once. The subways are pretty confusing, especially because there's a lot of construction going on, so pay attention. Don't be afraid to be map people. Everyone except tourists are map people.

MoMa

MoMa was pretty cool, but I kind of had an awkward experience there, so the whole thing turned out to be alright. I love the modern art (big bales of hay anyone) but there was more classic art, I thought. Starry Night was there, I'm not sure if it's normally there or only for a certain time. This is near 30Rock, so these would be good to do on the same day. Get in free and into the special exhibit free with the New York Pass (see end).

Ground Zero

For Ground Zero, you can't see anything of the site. It might have changed a lot though since I was there because they had just started building the memorial, but it'll be close to finished by the time you go. The museum is literally one room a little ways down the street from the site with some pictures, different artifacts. It felt good to go, but it's not a necessity, as sad as that sounds to say. It'll definitely be a good stop after the memorial is built, which should be Sept2011. This is close to The Strand, so it's good to pair these two together.

Top of the Empire State Building

Top of the Empire State Building will give you pretty much the same view as Top of the Rock (Top of 30Rock) and if you go to 30Rock (which has my highest recommendation!!) you might as well do Top of the Rock and forget ESB. I didn't actually go, so I can't say that I really know. But my aunt told me if we went to 30Rock, it didn't make any difference.

Central Park

It's much bigger than you could ever possibly imagine. If you really want to see it all, it's an all day thing. There's so many awesome places just to sit and people watch (Alice statue is the best place for that). We pretty much wandered about until we found Alice, wandered about some more, sat at these benches overlooking one of the lakes, then wandered until we found our way out. This is where Strawberry Fields is- the John Lennon/Beatles memorial. There's this one place we went where there's this super large fountain and it was awesome and everything and then later I was watching Enchanted and it's where they shot the final scene of the "That's How You Know" song. I was sooo excited.

Rockefeller Center

NBC TOUR IS THE BEST EVER! I had sooooo much fun here. It was my most favorite part of my trip, except The Strand. It was just so fun and it was cool to see things I actually knew, like the SNL stage, the Jimmy Fallon set, Nightly News. It was pretty interesting too. At one point after they show you the video about how they do SNL, they ask for volunteers, JUMP ON THIS!!! It's fun and so worth it, especially if two of you get picked to do it! Magnolia Bakery is nearby, Moma is nearby, Radio City Music Hall is nearby as well. There's a bunch of awesome stuff there.

Broadway (have to decide on production)

American Idiot was awesome, cheap, and you knew all the songs. But there's definitely some better productions out there! Make sure you check a lot of different sites for tickets!

Strand

A MUST-SEE!!! It's the best place in the entire world. I mean, Robert Pattinson has been there. And, I would make out a lot of time for this place/bring an extra backpack if you're going to really want to look at/buy books. Around the front of the store are just tons and tons and tons of dollar books. It's amazing. The top floor is filled with special editions, ancient books, everything. The YA and kids sections are SOOOO AWESOME too. I want to marry this place. Nearby is this awesome pizza place as well. It's a chain, so not like a legit NY pizza place, but it was awesome none-the-less. I'll try to find out the name.

Serendipity

Grand Central Station

Really, really pretty. I only went through it in trying to get to my bus stop one time. It's not like a super necessity to go to Grand Central Station if you're not happening to go through it for a specific reason.

Concert: (If someone good is playing)

Check out free concerts, like at The Today Show or check out television tapings- Kristen Stewart was there at Regis and Kelly, but it was the morning I was leaving and then my freaking bus passed the studio as we left NYC and I was like "AAAH! SO CLOSE!" Also, Bowery Ballroom is where Piper Perabo sings at the end of Coyote Ugly.

Greenwich Village: http://www.nycgv.com/ including West Village: http://www.time.com/time/travel/cityguide/article/0,31489,1843404_1843415_1843480,00.html

Saint Patrick's Catherdral

Gotta Love Free Attractions: http://www.nyc-arts.org/collections/35/free-attractions-in-new-york

Other museums to see? American Natural History Museum-- I didn't get to go. It's near Central Park and it's where all the dinosaurs are. By the way, museums close pretty early, or at least they were when I was there, so make sure you know the times of all the places and where they are and travel times and whatnot.

Notes:

I would make pretty detailed intineraries, unless you guys want that "We're going to do whatever vibe." The more you want to see, the more detailed you're going to have to be because it is seriously hard. You think "Oh, I want to go shopping on 5th Ave," but the stores that you would actually want to go to are miles apart from each other and you're walking. It would take all day just to do 5th. So, plan ahead, or most of your time isn't going to be used wisely.

Make sure you hit up Times Square. I mean, the places we went, we were always going through Times Square, so you'll definitely get to it at some point. But it's more than just a square. It's huge. And awesome. And goes on forever. And Alicia Key's and Jay-Z filmed the New York video there (the red stairs, you'll definitely see them). And there's a Disney store that wasn't open yet when I was there, so if it is open, will you take a picture of it at least for me?

I used the New York Pass in NYC. I would say if you're interested in the events that it offers, I would buy it or buy something like it. You definitely need to think about whether or not you can get your money's worth each day, but with it you can skip lines, jump on tours right away, get into museums' special exhibits with it. There are others like it, but this is the one I used so I'm linking it to you.

The Book Thief

So on my way back to school my dad and I stopped at a Border's and he told me he'd buy me a book. Chelsey had previously mentioned that The Book Thief was something I may enjoy since it was set in Nazi Germany and narrated by Death. Oh yes, I was intrigued. So I bought that book.

It took me awhile to read because I've been busy with school and it's kind of a heavy book. However, it is beautiful. Beautiful in the way it describes life. The metaphors and personifications just pulling you into Death's world and seeing the world through his (is it a he?) eyes. Not just that though, but the story in general. A young girl growing up in Nazi Germany, not knowing that what is happening in the war is bad. Well, not until she befriends a Jew when her family hides one in their basement. It's a look at World War II from the eyes of youth. And innocence. Her struggle with learning to read. The death of her brother. Adjusting to living with her foster parents. Watching books being burned. Stealing others. Her best friend. Death. Life. Learning to use her words. The importance of them. Their strength. Their power. The image of a Jew in a fist fight with Hitler. Describing the sky. Reading to the broken and fearful.

It's a tragedy.

It's historical.

It's a love story.

It's poetic.

It's unique.

It's motivational.

And I like to think that Liesel and Max got married.

Death just forgot to mention that.

Old Playlists

Bella: Every time my music gets screwed up the playlists I have from you always get messed up and I never know what the songs are, so I'm putting them on here as I fix them yet again.

Rosalie: I love looking back on these. I will be adding updates on some more songs I think fit the playlists.

Hopelessly Romantic

"More Than A Love Song" Augustana, Midwest Skies And Sleepless Mondays

"When You Love Somebody" Fruit Bats, Mouthfuls

"Sun" Daphne Loves Derby, Daphne Loves Derby

"Say It Again" Marie Digby, Unfold

"Be Still My Heart" The Postal Service, The Postal Service

"A Walk Through Hell" Say Anything, Menora Majora

"You Told Me You Loved Me" Cinematic Sunrise, A Coloring Storybook And A Long Playing Record

"Forever And Almost Always" Kate Voegele, A Fine Mess

"Calling You" Blue October, History For Sale

"Just Like Heaven" The Cure, Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me

"The Best Of You And Me" Number One Gun, The North Pole Project

"Cute" Stephan Jenkins, Peace.Love.Truth (EP)

"The Man Who Can't Be Moved" The Script, The Script

"The Truth About Heaven" Armor For Sleep, What To Do When You Are Dead

"Rhapsody Of The Seas" School Boy Humor, School Boy Humor

"Can Anyone Really Love Young" The Higher, The Higher

"Write You A Song" Plain White T's, Every Second Counts

"Bruised" Jack's Mannequin, Everything In Transit

"Love Hurts" Incubus, Light Grenades

"Hum Along" Ludo, Ludo

"Inevitable" Anberlin, Lost Songs

"Falling in Love At A Coffee Shop" Landon Pigg, Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop

"Marry Me" Train, Save Me San Francisco

"To Be Alone With You" Sufjan Stevens, Seven Swans

"I Caught Fire (In Your Eyes)" The Used, In Love and Death

"Stolen" Dashboard Confessional, Dusk and Summer

Saddest Songs

"Bullet With Butterfly Wings" Smashing Pumpkins, Rotten Apples: Greatest Hits

"The Kill" 30 Seconds To Mars, A Beautiful Lie

"Up Against The Wall" Boys Like Girls, Boys Like Girls

"Car Underwater" Armor For Sleep, What To Do When You Are Dead

"All Hail The Heartbreaker" The Spill Canvas, Sunsets And Car Crashes

"Note To Self" From First To Last, Dear Diary My Teen Angst Has A Body Count

"The Quiet Things No One Ever Knows" Brand New, Deja Entendu

"Bite To Break The Skin" Senses Fail, Let It Enfold You

"Not Good Enough For Truth Or Cliche" Escape The Fate, Dying Is Your Latest Fashion

"Adam's Song" Blink-182, Enema Of The State

"White Horse" Taylor Swift, Fearless

"Bliss Tearing Eyes" Dead Poetic, The Finest

"I Can Barely Breathe" Manchester Orchestra, I'm Like A Virgin Losing A Child

"I'm A Fake" The Used, In Love And Death

"Miserable At Best" Mayday Parade, A Lesson In Romantics

"Emo Kid" Adam And Andrew, Music Pimp$

"What Hurts The Most" Rascal Flatts, Me And My Gang

"Hear Me Now" Framing Hanley, Framing Hanley

"Studying Politics" Emery, The Question

"We Are Broken" Paramore, Riot!

"Ohio Is For Loves" Hawthorne Heights, The Silence In Black And White

"A Time For Yohe" Between The Trees, The Story And The Song

"You're So Last Summer" Taking Back Sunday, Tell All Your Friends

"The Greatest Fall (Of All Time)" Matchbook Romance, Stories And Alibis

"No. 5" Hollywood Undead, Hollywood Undead

"Live Fast" Pensive, Artifacts

"Fall For You" Secondhand Serenade, A Twist In My Story

"Goodbye (I'm Sorry)" Jamestown Story, Broken Summer

Coming Up:

Oh What Tangled Webs We Weave

The Valentine's Day Mix

Awesome Incredible Music

California Knows How To Party

Christmas By Stephanie

Good Worship

Video Blog Numero Dos!

Music I Would Like You To Download For Me

Because you are much braver than I am at this and because you love me so much and because I am always always always super appreciative.

And because you're the bestest best friend ever.

Now, enough of that saccharine, sticky sweet (but TOTALLY and COMPLETELY true) mush and onto... The List.

Music I Would Like You To Download for Me:

(an ever-compiling compilation of music)

Sheryl Crow by Sheryl Crow. (done)

Parallel Lines by Blondie. (done)

It's Kind of a Funny Story soundtrack. (having trouble finding...)

Everything Lykke Li. (done)

Everything Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes. (done)

"Beautiful" by Moby. (done)

"Telephone" and "Alejandro" by Lady Gaga. (done)

The Runaways soundtrack. (done)

Everything by The Runaways (the Joan Jett band). (done)

"Fire Escape," "Fools," "Rewind," "Mirror Mirror" by Diane Birch.

Anything Boyce Avenue that we don't already have (especially "Teenage Dream"). (done)

"Whip My Hair" by Jimmy Fallon. (done)

"Let The Drummer Kick" by Citizen Cope.

"New Slang" by The Shins (done)

"L.E.S. Artistes" by Santigold. (done)

"Walking On A Dream" by Empire Of The Sun.

"What Else Is There?" by Royksopp. (done)

"Glory Box" by Portishead. (done)

"Soft Shock" and "Heads Will Roll" by Yeah Yeah Yeah's. (done)

"Mushaboom (Postal Service Remix)" Feist.

"Fade Into You" by Mazzy Star.

"Loud Pipes" by Ratatat.

The Vampire Diaries soundtrack.

The first two Ashlee Simpson albums. Shut up.

"Girls" by Beyonce.

"Who Says" by Selena Gomez & The Scene.

Teenage Dream by Katy Perry.

"I Need A Doctor" by Dr. Dre.

"Tonight Tonight" by Hot Chelle Rae.

"Save The World" by Swedish House Mafia.

"Coming Home" by Diddy.

"Party Rock Anthem" by LMFAO.

"Just Can't Get Enough" by The Black Eyed Peas.

"Don't Wanna Go Home" by Jason Derulo.

"Look At Me Now" by Chris Brown.

"S&M" by Rihanna.

"Roll Up" by Wiz Khalifa.

"Run The World (Girls)" by Beyonce.

"Backseat" by New Boyz.

"Dirty Dancer" by Enrique Iglesias.

"Fuckin' Perfect" by Pink.

"California King Bad" by Rihanna.

"Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac.

"Barefoot Blue Jean Night" by Jake Owen.

"Where Them Girls At" by David Guetta.

"What The Hell" by Avril Lavigne.

"Brighter Than The Sun" by Colbie Caillat.

"Til The World Ends (The Femme Fatale Remix)" by Britney Spears.

"Stereo Love" by Edward Maya & Vika Jigulina.

"Never Gonna Leave This Bed." by Maroon 5.

The Hunger Games

I usually have enough self-control to put down a book and get some sleep, but this was not the case with The Hunger Games by Suzanna Collins. In fact, my rest was the last thing on my mind through the gripping story of survival and love. The book begins in a post-apocalypse type of world in North America. There is the Capital, the ruling and ruthless center of the remaining world which hold dominion over the twelve districts that surround it by not only forcing them to live in poverty thus showing how much power and control the Capital has, but by forcing each district to participate in the Hunger Games. The games are an annual event in which each district sends one boy and one girl to be 'tributes' and fight the other chosen children until there is only one left alive. This tribute will gain wealth and comfort for themselves and their family for the rest of their lives.

This story revolves around Katniss, a young girl struggling to support her sister and mother after her father passed away in a coal-mining accident. She took what she learned from her father and hunts in the woods outside of her district, District 12, risking her life every day by breaking the law in order to support her family. When the day comes to choose tributes, her sister is chosen and, in order to save her, Katniss offers to have herself to go instead. This is allowed and Katniss, along with the boy tribute Peeta, begin a journey to the Capital and are forced to go through all the formalities of the games, and then are put into an arena where they must fight to survive.

That's as much as I am willing to divulge on the storyline since it is a book I would highly suggest everyone to read. It was a gripping story even before the games begun as Katniss struggles with her fear and tries to understand the motives behind everyones actions. Once the games begun though, I could not put the book down. The story moved from action to survival to relationship in such a way that not one subject was overdone. Each chapter held some new development and I had to keep reading in order to find out what happens next. Even now that I am done, I feel the need to go buy the next book (so far there are three). I could relate to the main character, which I always think makes a book more interesting, and I lost myself completely in the story.

Also, this book should definitely be made into a movie. It would be incredible.

Go read it.

Now.

And The Winner Of Reading Competition 2010 Is...

Rosalie!!

Rosalie:
Brisingr by Christopher Paolini. 748 pages.
A Knight in Shining Armor by Jude Deveraux. 464 pages.
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. 244 pages.
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. 230 pages.
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. 360 pages.
Friend Me by Cathy Hopkins. 497 pages.
The Vampire Diaries: The Awakening and The Struggle by L.J. Smith. 492 pages.
The Vampire Diaries: The Fury and Dark Reunion by L.J. Smith. 520 pages.

Nightlight: A Parody by The Harvard Lampoon. 154 pages.

Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare. 173 pages.

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers. 414 pages.
Spirit Bound by Richelle Mead. 489 pages.

Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk. 218 pages.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smithe. 317 pages.
City of Bones by Cassandra Clare. 485 pages.
City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare. 453 pages.
City of Glass by Cassandra Clare. 541 pages.
Last Sacrifice by Richelle Mead. 594 pages.

Total: 7348 pages.

vs.

Bella:
Splendor by Anna Godbersen. 391 pages.
Vampire Diaries: The Awakening & The Struggle by L.J. Smith. 492 pages.
Vampire Diaries: The Fury & The Dark Reunion by L.J. Smith. 520 pages.
Anthem by Ayn Rand. 90 pages.
Youth In Revolt by C.D. Payne. 498 pages.
Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. 352 pages.
Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead. 332 pages.
Vampire Academy: Frostbite by Richelle Mead. 327 pages.
Vampire Academy: Shadow Kiss by Richelle Mead. 443 pages.
Vampire Academy: Blood Promise by Richelle Mead. 503 pages.
Vampire Academy: Spirit Bound by Richelle Mead. 489 pages.
The Second Short Life of Bree Tanner by Stephenie Meyer. 192 pages.
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling. 652 pages.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling. 759 pages.
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. 550 pages.
The Tales of Beedle the Bard by J.K. Rowling. 119 pages.
Something Borrowed by Emily Griffin. 322 pages.

Total: 7031 pages.

I Hate To Break It To You Baby, But I'm Not Drowning. There's No One Here To Save.

You know what I have realized lately? I am extremely blessed. Now, I don't say this to boast or brag, I just want to relay how extremely thankful I am for every good thing (and the bad things too) that I have in my life.

First, my family. My parents are incredible, and I feel so honored to have their beautiful marriage and love to be a guide to me and to everyone who witnesses it. They try so hard to provide for me everything I could need and teach me what I need to know to live a good life, but also let me make mistakes so I can learn on my own. Then there's my brother, who I may complain about and not quite understand, but I have always looked up to him. He is a good brother, and if anything, I learn from his mistakes.

Second, my friends. Specifically my best friend. Not everyone has someone they can talk to about their insecurities and their deep dark secrets, but I have Bella, who understands, and is willing to listen and give me her honest opinion. God sent her to me for a reason, and I am loving whatever that reason is. She is a great influence in my life and I love her very mush. There are also my other friends who each bring some new spark into my life. I am so blessed that my new roommates have become my friends and that we get along and don't try to kill one another...often...

Third is the wonderful churches that God has brought into my life. The community of the church, I have realized, is a key in my spiritual growth and life, and after Brandon left our high school group I went searching for a new church and found the Stirring. Now, in this new town, I have been brought to Nexus, and the wonderful group of followers there. Also, the Christian group at my school that I have become very involved in is a great part of my walk, and is very much needed as I go through this year of school.

It's probably the holiday season, but it feels right to think about all the good things in life right now, and realized just how blessed I am for what God has put in my life.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling

Despite being the intensely obsessed Harry Potter fan that I am (read these books more than any others in my collection, been in love with the series since I was eight, and am currently involved with a blossoming Quidditch team here at UCSD), Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was a book I did not completely understand when I first read it.

Actually, I hated it more than any other book in the series.

Why?

I felt like the whole King's Cross chapter was a cop-out. Harry dies, meets Dumbledore, learns some things, and comes back to life. I never understood. Granted, I didn't remember what Horcruxes were until they happened to explain it about 400 pages in, but... still. I felt I would be left with a bit more... clarity after waiting 9 years from the books' beginning to end. However, I didn't get it. Somehow, through magic not Voldemort nor Dumbledore nor Harry could really explain or understand, Harry could simply choose to go back to his body and finish out his life. What?! That's not what happens with Avada Kedavra.

Avada Kedavra -> flash of green light -> death.

It left me wondering... In all of Voldemort's entire reign of power (which timeline-wise seems really iffy in the books, I've noticed), no one else ever died to save someone else? Was Harry the only one who could have deflected the killing curse when he was a baby because of the prophecy? If the prophecy had never been given, would there have ever been a Harry, even if someone had in fact died for someone else? Maybe because I've seen a lot of movies and television, my view of dying for someone else is a bit jaded--I thought it would be more common.

Anyway, I digress.

This time around, I read the sixth one and jumped right into the seventh one, both books consuming me for the last couple of weeks, and finally concluding today, a day in which I put aside all homework and life tasks and sat and read for hours. Beautiful. Brought me back to the good ol' days when these books would first come out. I understood it better this time. Knowing the final outcome, I was not as eager to read through it so quickly to get to the end. I stopped, I reread, I I went back to other chapters. It was good for me as I forget a story with each sentence that passes through my brain.

It's a wonderful book. A book that completes an entire series perfectly. I just think that Rowling is a genius. Whether or not she had ALL of this planned out in her head from the very beginning, it works. References to past books, past memories, seeing how one tiny detail from one book becomes important in the next... it all works. And it's bloody brilliant. I believe she's one person who truly deserves every bit of the fame and fortune she's earned. The whole tale in the thought of it's creation is genius. Compare it to another popular series, Twilight pales in comparison at how thought out and perfect the story comes together. I could go on...

I know this is a book I'm going to have to read again. I said as it as I put it away on my bookshelf tonight. This is a series I'm going to have to read again. And again. It's something to be studied, thoroughly and purely for enjoyment. I could spend a long time on this series. I know I could spend simply hours reading PotterWiki. I think one day, I'm going to have to.

I don't know what else to say. It is two in the morning and there's this insane beeping noise driving me up the way and I cannot find the source of it, but other than that, I really feel like I could talk about this book forever. I think anyone could. That's probably what keeps us going with this series. And I think that's one of the best recommendations I could give it.

(While writing this blog, I had to tell my computer to accept the words Dumbledore, Voldemort, and Horcruxes. This saddened me. But it's probably because I named my computer after a vampire.)

I Believe...

That God has me here for a purpose.

In reading like crazy or until others think you're crazy.

In love, love, love, love, love.

That Dave Matthews Band is one of the best bands in the entire world.

That my mom and my brother are the best people in the entire world.

That I would feel completely alone without my best friend.

In being silly, being goofy, and being yourself.

That Sunny Delight, macaroni-and-cheese, and grilled cheese are cure alls.

In baking whenever you feel like it.

In making sure your kids have a better life than you did.

That someday there will be One who doesn't leave.

That music is a necessity, not an extra.

In letting yourself get carried away.

In impulsiveness, spontaneity, and faith in your actions.

That being warm is cozy is the best feeling in the world.

That family time is the most important time.

In the complexity and feeling that goes into a playlist.

In waiting endlessly for the thing you want the most.

In having a plan, but being able to abandon it when needed.

That we are all human, no more and no less.

That we are not meant to live this life alone, although I have trouble with this one.

In writing something down, no matter how trivial.

In inner-strength and self-reliance, as well as the goodness of vulnerability.

In love stories.

In rehabilitation over imprisonment.

That I will find my path, though I wander searchingly now.

I believe in...

The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit

Love as the answer to everything

The healing power of music

Wonder and romanticism

Finding one true love, the person we are meant to be with

Forgiveness. 2nd chances.

Having community with others, keeping each other in check and encouraging one another

The idea that everyone is created equal and we should not judge others' faults

The sanctity of human life

Heaven and Hell

Living life every day to the fullest

Truth, Beauty, Freedom and Love (yes, Moulin Rouge)

Taking time to look at the world

Love languages, Spiritual gifts and Seasons

Prayer, even though God doesn't always answer in the way we expect

Angels and Demons (not the book, the actual beings)

Worshiping in every way we can

Being faithful and loyal

Stepping outside of my comfort zone

The Pacific Coast Highway